Thursday, April 26, 2007

10.Thou shalt not piss off the readers. Even if one walks up to you and say, "Oh, so you're (insert name here), I really hated your last book, just couldn't finish it" - your response should be pleasant and smiling. "Well that's too bad (insert reader name here), you're going to miss out on this dynamite book where the hero has three penises and the heroine has twelve orgasms a day." At that point you give them a big smile and head for the bar, you're going to need it.

9. Thou shalt not piss of a reviewer. Never post publicly about a bad
review. Ever. Thank the reviewer for taking the time to read your book, then
bitch privately to your friends. But never, EVER take it public, either by
venting or whining. You will always come out looking bad, even if the reviewer IS full of shit.

8. Thou shalt take great care when contacting agents and editors. When sending out e-query letters, NEVER pull up an old email you sent to one agent and edit it for another agent while on-line. You'll accidentally hit the wrong combination of buttons and BAM, you just sent the partially edited query letter to the new agent with the OLD agent's name and contact info on it.

7. Thou shalt not be narcissistic. Don't check your Amazon and EC Ebay store
stats every hour on the hour and in between when you have nothing better to
do. Stabbing yourself in the eye with a fork on a similar schedule *is* a
better thing to do.

6. Thou shalt be very careful with email communications. If you're going tosend an email to your agent or anyone with personal information that may contain your real name or bitching about something - be sure to check the "to" field on your email three times or it might go to say, your author
loop instead. Also, be very, very careful not to hit "Reply All" unless you're certain you really want your bitchy comment going to everybody who got the original message.

5. Thou shalt carry promo materials at all times. New readers around everycorner so keep a few bookmarks in your purse for just those occasions. At the doctor's office? Stick them in the magazines or pamphlets on rectal exams, whatever works.

4. Thou shalt be aware of your surroundings at all times. Always know who your audience is. That can go for your readership...It can also go for who
might be lurking in a chat room, yahoo group, or next to you at the bar.

3. Thou shalt be cagey about your private life. Stalkers are everywhere, even online. Protect yourself and especially your family by not putting up pics of them and giving out their names and where they live, etc. on your website.

2. Thou shalt be careful when sending out manuscripts or proposals. When you
send in a proposal or manuscript, make sure that you don't include your royalty statements or contracts which you'd printed out BEFORE the manuscript and neglected to pick up.

1. Thou shalt smile. When it doubt...go with self -deprecating humor along
with a profuse apology. You CAN do bone-headed things in this business and
still survive.


Copyright 2007, Millionaire Writers Club