Tuesday, October 24, 2006
When you meet a date for the first time
Q: How long does it take you to know if there might be chemistry between you? Is there something special you look for?
Summer, 45, Dallas
My measuring "meter" starts running the minute we meet each other because I check out how he looks at me looking at him. I look for his version of health and fire in his eyes when they look at me. Then, over the course of the date I note his response to my touch. I rub his forearm, his shoulder, hold his hand in my two and rub. If I detect a purr I may even touch his knee lightly, his chin or perhaps even the back of his neck. He'll start to purr if he is in need of warm, caring non-demanding touch, just like the rest of us. That's what I want from him, so that's what I give.
Paul, 33, Los Angeles
When we meet, it usually takes about one full date/evening. I'm a pretty good judge of character personally. I know what questions to ask without being too pushy. Their answers are pretty much going to reflect on the types of people they truly are. If they say something you think is off the wall, inquire deeper and go for a debate - you may have just misinterpreted them. Having a lot in common usually says a lot. I'm so extremely picky it can be just about anything. Call me superficial - no shame in my game (e.g., You must have nice teeth, good breathe, well manicured hands, just like a clean person. Be a nice person in general, have some goals in life - pretty much the perfect person - LOL. That's why I'm still single -- know anyone?
Erin, 25, Santa Monica, Calif.
When I meet a date for the first time, it doesn't take long for me to know if there is chemistry between us. I can normally tell within the first 15 minutes or so. I look for a sense of humor, a great smile, and eye contact.
Jeremy, 27, Denver
I feel I know within the first five minutes after we meet. Either the person is into the conversation or not. Body language and verbal tone is the best indicator and is an easy thing to look for.
Sylvia, Kingsville, Texas
I can usually tell if there's chemistry with the eye contact. Throughout the rest of the date, if there's great communication, compatible interests in topics to talk about and some chivalry as well it secures a second date, it's enough to make me want a second date with them.
Christian, 27, West Hollywood, Calif.
Obviously, there's the physical component, which hopefully is mostly resolved from being able to see pictures before the date (unless, of course, the picture was 10 years or 50 pounds ago). To me, that aspect is pretty black or white: either I'm attracted to the person or I'm not. The more challenging aspect is personality. I can get a pretty good sense of whether there's chemistry in a first date, but sometimes the person just had a bad night. I look for a sense of humor (crucial), somebody who doesn't take himself too seriously. I think it's fair to give someone a second shot if the first date doesn't pan out; sometimes people just have bad days.
Ronna, 35, Redmond, Wash.
Sometimes it is instantaneous. I will usually give 30 minutes to an hour to know. I know within a minute generally. If someone lies about their height or anything I tune them out and think why bother. I look for confidence first! If we've spoken on the phone they should be relaxed when meeting me.
Julie, 40, Los Angeles
As much as I don't like to admit it, I think the truth of the matter is that I know in the first second I meet someone. I've definitely done my share of "hanging around" to see if the spark will somehow grow, or reveal itself, but in the final analysis - if it isn't there right away, it's never going to happen.
Freddie, 56, Phoenix
When I meet a date for the first time, I rely on my intuition about the person, and her conversation. I do not look for something special or chemistry. For myself it is more of a feeling than anything else.
Kathryn, 34, Northville, Mich.
Right away! You can usually tell if you'll be headed out for a second date by that first initial "Hi". I wouldn't say it's a certain look, more like a "connection" (and hopefully you'll both feel it!).
Tim, 41, Springtown, Texas
Some people say that they know right away and to that some of it may be true. But I have also grown to be attracted over a period of time to some that didn't hit it off right the first time around. I'm not one to give up on the first meet, good or bad, unless things are going very badly.
Laura, 35, Los Angeles
I feel that people know if there is chemistry right away. And the older one gets the easier it is to say what you want and not beat around the bush. Two people could be meeting for the first time and there might not be that -- feeling -- and if you are young or inexperienced people tend to drag things out and put up with the torture of not liking the person but having to sit there and endure it. I think by dating often one knows pretty quickly if they like the person as a potential boyfriend/girlfriend or just get that brother/sister vibe. In terms of looking for something special...it all depends on the person and what they want in a partner. Good grooming, sense of humor, intelligence are probably top three on a lot of people's books.
Elaunda, 34, Lithonia, Ga.
It usually takes about 10 minutes. Basically I look at the way they carry themselves. Are they confident about themselves or are they shy and won't look me in the eyes. I tend to prefer someone who is outgoing and friendly and doesn't have a problem keeping up their end of the conversation.